Normalcy.

Hello. I have finally deemed you lot worthy enough of my normalcy. You ready? Brace yourselves.

1. I may have fucked up my Boards royally. I really don't know what was going ON with me. I look back now, and I realize how careless I was. I feel I have no grip on my life, it feels like. Or maybe I'm just getting way too into Inkdeath right now. Funnily, I relate to every word Cornelia Funke inks. Or maybe I'm just being whimsical and wishful yet again. But we'll get to that soon.

2. I don't know HOW I'm so chilled about college. Refer point #1. I should be SHITTING BRICKS right now. What if I don't get into college? Why am I not more worried about the IIT HSEE coming up in less than a month? What if that's my only chance of getting into college? Why am I so apathetic about my future? What is giving me the guts to be so carefree?
Wait. Don't tell me. I know.
It's delusion.
It always was.

3. Now we're here. Delusion. I really REALLY feel, some times, that I don't see things the way they are. I mean, people all around me call things as they are, but to me it's all irrelevant. I frankly don't CARE. How I wish I could peek into the minds of so-called normal people. Or just anybody. I want to gauge if I am like the others. I'm not trying to pompously state that I am being "different" and "unique" and all that jazz. It's just.. sometimes I feel so disconnected from people around me. My peers, especially. My own friends, the people I spent years at school with, I feel SO disconnected from them, because the exact same events that I remember to have been inconsequential seem so important to them, and when they look back to all that stuff, I just draw a blank because either
- I wasn't paying attention because I thought it was random shit
- I paid attention and realised that it wasn't that big a deal
Is there something wrong with me? Do people normally feel this way? Do people experience utter surprise when they hear a friend describe a whole new version of the things that happened long ago? Am I slow? I mean, for the most part, I was right there. Why do I see it in a different way? Why have I thought, all this while, that there was only the one version? My version? Am I really that self-absorbed?
Wait. Don't tell me. I know.
I was.

Meanwhile, in northern France, somewhere near Giverny, in a tranquil garden decorated with fairy lights, there is laughter and a warm summer breeze. People drink in happiness along with the wine.