1. Having nothing of consequence to say. (Check)
2. Being alone amidst groups of people. (Check)
3. Being talentless.
4. Being hated.
5. Hurt. (Check)
6. Failure.
7. Having a personality that no one would like.
8. Bringing people's temperament down - making it awkward for them to be around me - while they are basking in my morosity. (Check)
9. Being feelingless - forcing myself to be feelingless so as to avoid extreme inevitable disappointment - and eventually turning into a stone. (Check)
10. Saying/writing things (especially to others) that may not be what I truly feel; as much as just words prompted by my mind as feasible fillings for the situation (Check)
11. Not possessing, and by consequence not eliciting, strong feelings. (Check)
12. Failing to express myself even though I may harbour the entire gamut of emotions available to mankind.
13. Self-doubt. (Check)
Before I rethink this whole thing, I'm just going to post this. As you know, this blog is my attempt at expressing the part of me that I am not proud of. I once wrote about how I'd rather have people read what I have to say and judge me rather than not say anything at all and just burst some day - Sraiy, you remember, right? Well, I decided to share with you my fears. I made this list this morning. My father once told me to do this; he said that once it was all on paper, it'd seem like half the fear would disappear. I was too scared to even write them down before, but I guess I finally did it. The tough part now would be to stop gloating over this fact and address my fears instead, but we all know of my problems with delusion. I actually am proud of my fears, because this little exercise has made me realise that these fears are the things that make me the person that I am. And I quite like the person that I am right now.
Speaking of people I was, I read old entries from Shruti's blog today. As far back as 2007, I was commenting on her blog to point out the typos. Some things never change, and the comfort that can be drawn from this fact is great.
2. Being alone amidst groups of people. (Check)
3. Being talentless.
4. Being hated.
5. Hurt. (Check)
6. Failure.
7. Having a personality that no one would like.
8. Bringing people's temperament down - making it awkward for them to be around me - while they are basking in my morosity. (Check)
9. Being feelingless - forcing myself to be feelingless so as to avoid extreme inevitable disappointment - and eventually turning into a stone. (Check)
10. Saying/writing things (especially to others) that may not be what I truly feel; as much as just words prompted by my mind as feasible fillings for the situation (Check)
11. Not possessing, and by consequence not eliciting, strong feelings. (Check)
12. Failing to express myself even though I may harbour the entire gamut of emotions available to mankind.
13. Self-doubt. (Check)
Before I rethink this whole thing, I'm just going to post this. As you know, this blog is my attempt at expressing the part of me that I am not proud of. I once wrote about how I'd rather have people read what I have to say and judge me rather than not say anything at all and just burst some day - Sraiy, you remember, right? Well, I decided to share with you my fears. I made this list this morning. My father once told me to do this; he said that once it was all on paper, it'd seem like half the fear would disappear. I was too scared to even write them down before, but I guess I finally did it. The tough part now would be to stop gloating over this fact and address my fears instead, but we all know of my problems with delusion. I actually am proud of my fears, because this little exercise has made me realise that these fears are the things that make me the person that I am. And I quite like the person that I am right now.
Speaking of people I was, I read old entries from Shruti's blog today. As far back as 2007, I was commenting on her blog to point out the typos. Some things never change, and the comfort that can be drawn from this fact is great.
I like you. Very much. Fear is good. And inevitable. Worst is only when you try hiding from it. That's easier to do though. Run away from it. But you didn't. Which is why I like you. WOo. You have an admirer. A creepy, stalker of an admirer. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
ReplyDelete1. 2. 4. 5. 6. 7. 12. Me.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean I have an admirer? You were mine from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteZy - We have company in each other, then. That's actually kinda great.
Indeed. ^.^
ReplyDelete