i was free to dream any time
and relish how it felt in my mind
and bring it back again
whenever i wanted to.
but even that has been taken from me.
did i give it away?
i guess i did.
i give many many things away each day.
i do.
who knew giving was so horrible?
especially when you want
something.
and expect it.
stop expecting.
fool.
so stupid. so hilarious.
so painful.
I came because you asked me to, but I do come of my own volition. Our blogs reflect our minds. Where mine is a dense thicket, consciously designed so things can be hidden in it, yours is spare, succinct, and elegant. Your blog is like a beautiful pale wood-panelled sunlit room. One thinks nothing can hide there but in fact anxiety lives in its blue shadowed corners. I am too selfish for your purpose. What have you given away? Alec x
ReplyDeleteI read your comment the minute you posted it, but have only now found it in me to reply to you.
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you how moved I was on reading the words "but in fact anxiety lives in its blue shadowed corners" for indeed I do like to believe that I hide many things in plain sight. I feel encouraged that someone noticed this, which was exactly what I needed when I asked you to come here.
I remember feeling quite self-pityingly melancholy while writing about giving away things(for one I seem to have given away all my capital letters here, haven't I? :P). I still believe that there isn't as much joy in giving as they make it out to be. I have become quite selfish, too.
Miss you
ReplyDelete